The Power of Woman
Tribute to woman victims of violence
By Sirikit Syah
What happened to Lisa and Nila, two woman victims of violence in East Java, was clearly physical. Lisa’s husband poured an acid liquid in her face, causing a severe burnt that made her undergo nine operations in two years. Lisa’s face skin was unsaved. She is now having a skin taken from her back on her face. Nila was terrorized and abused for years by her boyfriend, even after her marriage to another man. One early morning she was in a state of life and death being tortured in front of public by this man, when she grabbed his knife and stabbed him to death.
Their agony is not only physical. Their mental and psychological states are also challenged. Lisa is still nervous facing her future life with her new face, which is not normally perfect. She said she enjoyed living in hospital, where she had lived for two years until now. Everybody is kind to her, the doctors, the nurses, even the journalists. She is not sure how it would be like out there, beyond the hospital walls.
Nila is still traumatic. She is now a suspect of a murder case. Even though many people, including woman activists, support her, the law must be enforced. She must be processed. She must be brought to trial to get a court verdict whether she is a murderer or a victim. Court will decide if she legally deserves to be freed. The waiting time is unpleasant for Nila, 26, a mother of two.
Abuse and violence against women come in various types: physical, psychological, sexual, verbal. According to dr. Nalini Agung (a psychiatrist, who also examines Lisa and Nila), an abuser is not a 100% bad man. Most of them are nice, gentle, kind-hearted, even romantic. “That’s why this kind of man is easy to get women, and why women find difficulties to leave,” she said. At one point, he could be very angry and abusive, but after that he could bring flowers or chocolates and beg for forgiveness.
Women, particularly in lower-economic income society, are very often being hit by their men, leaving scars in their bodies. In middle and upper class society, things can be different. Maia Estianty is one kind of upper class woman receiving verbal and psychological abuse. Her husband constantly announces to public that she is an infidel, a bad mother and wife. He also uses their children as hostages, mentally terrorizing Maia with the prospect of loosing them. Maia is said to be shout at and degraded in front of her children, a condition hurtful for any mother.
Dewi Persik is a wife who is divorced verbally more than one time by her husband in public. It gives her uncomfortable situation and unclear status. This is an abuse as well. As dr. Nalini explains; certainty of status, economic dependency, and children are elements that are mostly used by husbands to threaten or terrorize their wives.
I shall also apologize to Anna Maria, wife of Roy Marten, who stands behind him all the time, in joy or sorrow. I had called her a weak woman. In fact, I realize, she is very strong. Her love is strong. Being abused by her husband (if lying all the time can be categorized as abuse), she stands still, protecting and loving him, even with her face full of tears.
Women are very strong. Lisa looks healthy and cheerful, despite her condition (her face is masked due to the operations, which makes her look ugly and definitely feel uncomfortable too). Nila is patiently waiting for the trial, despite her longing for her family (husband and two children). She is now still staying in a police hospital, due to her medical treatment. Maia finally decides to get a divorce after one year endurance of psychological torture (herself and her parents being called names by her husbands, and being denied to meet her own children or to visit her own home). Maia’s husband uses religious reason to blame Maia: “a wife and mother who leaves home”, but we know why Maia leaves home. In my opinion, she has reasonable reasons: not allowing herself to be degraded, not allowing her children to witness verbal abuse and war among their parents. Dewi Persik is a strong wife as well, having a husband who divorces her many times in public. And Anna Maria is a strong woman for loving sincerely and unconditionally the husband who lies to her all the time.
Those are names of women who are familiar to us all in Indonesia. But there are a lot other women, unknown, unnamed, with similar or more severe struggles. Thousands of women, who are mothers and wives, work hard abroad for a small amount of money. It is small because their salary are mostly cut for debts and services. It is even smaller when they land at Indonesian airports, some immigration officers get the heart to rob them for any reason they can create on the spot. This small amount of money means nothing when they get home exhausted, finding their husband already have other women.
There are women in rural or urban areas, who work their life for their family, and their jobless and hopeless husbands are still playing God to them.
Women are very strong, full of power. Their patience and endurance do not show that they are weak. On the other hand, it shows how strong they are. Let us just hope that their despair and sorrow do not accumulate in hidden anger, because if women take revenge, no man can manage to handle it.
2007
Sirikit Syah is a media observer, currently initiating a forum of women who cares (Forum Perempuan Peduli) in East Java
