I still remember a friend’s question: “If you are not rich, and you can only finance the education of one child, which child do you choose?”
I have two children, girl and boy. Common answers would be “the boy”, or “the first child, the eldest”, or “the most gifted/talented”. For the last answer, my friend commented: “What a cruel choice. You would give up on your less smart kid? The one who needs the education most? The smart one could survive life without formal education, but the less gifted need to learn how to survive in life. He deserves the chance.”
After I hesitated for some time, she gave me a different but very enlightening answer: “It must be the girl, either she is the elder or the younger.”
“Why?”
“Because mother is madrasah for her children. Mother is the pillar of a country. It is alright if the father is less educated, because he rarely stays with children anyway. He earns a living for his family. He’s out of the house.”
“But mother,” she continued, “stays with children all the time, guides them in doing homeworks, watches them selecting good TV or radio programs, reads for them, shows them good behaviors and attitudes, uses proper language ….. . Now, can you imagine if the mother is not educated. What would the children become? What would a generation be like?” Her reason began to make sense. Children are shaped by how the mother raises them. So, well-educated mother is important to raise well-behaved and smart-thinking children.
Islam does not forbid or put limitation to women to pursue their study. Prophet Muhammad, PBUH, did not differenciate gender when saying: “You shall learn as far as China”. There is no surah that forbid women to work either. Of course, some religious leaders might say that if there is no surah it means it’s not recommendable. This teaching would condemn working/career women. There is no excuse for women to work, not even economic problem. But I prefer to believe the second group of leaders, who says that if there is no surat it means it’s not forbidden.
People never realize that most working women work for good reasons. Usually they have prejudice that women just want to be active for her own sake. But a lot of women work for a very clear and justified reason, which is: economic pressure. A single mother, a widow, a divorcee, a woman with retired husband, etc, would have to work to earn a living for her family. Another justified reason is, they work to apply their knowledge, since Islam says “Your knowledge is unworthy unless it is applied to the bettermen of humankind.”
Islam is an amazing religion. If we take a look at the Koran and Hadits, we could see there are many surahs or Hadits about women. No other religion pays as much attention and offers high respects to woman. One surah says “If you have three daughters and you take good care of them, they will protect you from the hell’s fire.” I can never understand why non-Muslims, especially from the West, take pity on us, thinking that we are under oppression.
I once lived with a single feminist in America, and she was amazed how I –a married Muslim woman- could live abroad alone, leaving a family behind. How a Muslim husband allowed such thing to happen was beyond her comprehension.
“I get his permission,” I explained.
“Why do you need his permission? You are an independent, educated woman.”
“Because I am married to him. His permission is vital for me.”
“How if he doesn’t permit you? You must feel oppressed.”
“No. I still have a choice. I wouldn’t be here now and stay married. Or, I would be here, divorced. I could choose. Marriage is a commitment, right? If your husband’s advice is not important anymore, what’s the point of marriage? But I am lucky indeed, he permits me, so here I am, away from him, and still married.”
She was so amazed that a married Muslim woman could be so free that she invited her feminist friends to meet me and we had a very hot discussion on woman in Islam. I hoped that opened their narrow minds about Muslim women.
Since jobs are open now to women, and women can enter any profession as well as men, we surely have to think about the welfare and the education of children. Career women shall never forget their priority, which is their own family. It is ironic when they go teaching other people’s children at schools, and they let other people teach their children at home. We shall thank God that Islam allows us to pursue our career, and modern men are open-minded enough to let us have a career. In return, we shall never forget that “mother is the best madrasah for her children.”
Sirikit Syah
July 2007
